I am saying ‘no’ because you have ruined my relationships and have halted my progress in the current one. I am saying ‘no’ because too many times I have cried on the floor holding my chest, thinking that my heart would shatter if I didn’t. I am saying ‘no’ because there is more to life than you.
I am saying ‘no’ to self-hate.
My name is Carol.
I am not a fitness guru or a social media influencer. I am your
average Joe who has believed for most of her life that being skinny, rich and insta-famous were the ways to happiness – so that is exactly what I always strived to be.
I was done. Fed up. Sick of the way my recent vacation ended. I could not look at my boyfriend’s face and tell him that I wanted to be there with him because the only thing I was focused on was how bad I felt about myself. All I wanted to do was to hole up and pity myself. I indeed indulged on one too many desserts and possibly a late-night cup ramen here and there but that was no excuse for treating him like I did.
It was disgusting; I was disgusted with myself.
But this was not the only time. There were many, many, many (^1000) times when I would feel this way and it would take an arm and a leg (and maybe another limb) to raise me back up to an ‘okay’ state.
This has to stop – and not just with me, but for everyone out there. For you, my future babies, your future (and current) babies but especially for you.
This blog is not to detail the perfect journey from how I came from a self-loathing grinch to a self-loving angel within a couple of weeks. It’s not a cheat sheet on answers to curing body-shaming or the pathway to happiness. It’s far from it.
It’s the raw truth of me – a 20-something-year-old girl still trying to find my identity and figure out who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going and all the while
trying to love myself in the process.
I encourage you this week to mark the number of times when you think the words “I look ugly” or “I look ______” (with a negative adjective there). Total them up.
If it’s more than 0, start right here. Start with this blog. Join me every Monday, Thursday and Saturday (yes, three times in one week!) to discover (and love) a little more of you. Let’s go on this journey together.