120 days left of 2019: What are you going to do with them?

There are exactly 120 days until 2019 is over and a new year begins. Time really flies when you’re having fun – or did you?

Instead of self reflecting a day or two before the New Years, I encourage you to reflect on your year right now.

How did you spend 2019?
Are you satisfied by your accomplishments and were you your best self?
Did you grow in any way?
Can you proudly say this was your best year yet?

If you’ve answered ‘no’ to any of these questions, do not panic.

120 days may seem like too late for you. It might have even scared you that there are only FOUR months to find someone to kiss on New Years. But I want to let you know, you have plenty of time.

I had a hard time dealing with the “let me work on a resolution midway through the year” mentality. I’m one of those OCD kids who need to have a fresh start on a Monday or on the first of each month – or even a date that I can later remember like (7/12/19 because 7+12=19), yeah I’m one of those.

But the truth is, there is no perfect way to start a change. If one of your New Years resolutions was to start a blog, start a blog! (That was me!) If one was to work on your fitness and health, go for a run (and don’t expect six-pack abs on your first day). If you wanted to buy a vlogging camera to start your Youtube channel, buy one now!

There are things that will never go as planned (even if we write them with a fancy Muji pen in our Lily Pulitzer planner – yes, I’ve been there). Currently, thousands of people are evacuating from Hurricane Dorian (my boyfriend included), people are grieving the deaths of those in Odessa, and new fires continue to blaze in the Amazon.

As much as these do trouble us, we cannot back down. We were given a life to live fully and if we go about saying, “Oh maybe next year I’ll work on x, y and z because of a, b, and c excuse” there is no way to accomplish really anything.

You have to be comfortable with failing – and that is even if you fail hard. You have to accept that there will be push-back but you cannot forget that the next 120 days can all be worth it.


In the recent weeks, actually around the time of me starting this blog, I had a major anxiety attack. I felt like a loss of control, when I felt like all the progress I thought I made towards loving my body and feeling comfortable in my skin was gone. I thought that no matter how hard I tried at my job I couldn’t make enough money to support my lifestyle and I felt like I’ve lost all self discipline, self control and self confidence.

To be brutally real, I somewhat still do feel this way and I am not proud of it. I wanted to be in a different phase in my life right now and I wanted to share my highs throughout this platform – other than my lows.

But on this Labor Day, I want to challenge myself and of course, you to do the same: ask yourself if you want a change in your life or self right now.

Because today, September 2nd, could be the start of something great. You have that control to start it!

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Feeling stuck? How to get started in loving yourself

Declaring love for someone is probably one of the most courageous things to do. It encompasses not only the present but also the future – you love them now but you’re inevitably telling them you’ll love them in the next minute as well.

It seems like we go through a cycle of saying we are ‘in love’ with multiple people. We declare love for someone who we might have dated for a couple of months (or days). We even declare love after a couple of good dates. But as humans, we make mistakes. We realize that as time ticks, people grow. And as seasons change, we understand that some of those “loves” are mere ‘loving experiences.’

But then, why do we go back to the people who’ve hurt us the most? Is it because the euphoria that comes with such connections clouds the reasons why we broke up in the first place? Or is it because when we are in a time of vulnerability, we turn to those who we have been vulnerable to?

When we’re in a tough period of our lives, we are cultured to cope – some people with food or drugs or alcohol but some people with other people. We want to reach out to those past relationships – whether friends or romantic – because for one reason or another, we have somehow exposed our deepest darkest secrets to them.

And it’s this called trust that brings us back.

Trust and love are not interchangeable but instead, I believe love is dependent on trust. This means that without trust, you cannot love.

Think about it. How can you go about marrying your partner if you don’t trust him or her to go out in the middle of the night to have an affair? How can you date someone who knows your Venmo password but at the same time, you’re constantly worried about him or her hacking into your bank account (also may be a bad idea in the first place).

Initially, I thought that this was always with a relationship with someone else (aka my exes) that I struggled to trust. I always blamed it on my past with guys cheating on me and letting me down. But in fact, I missed what was right in front of me.

To love others, I needed to love myself. And to love myself, I needed to trust myself – a trust that things would be okay, and that I could love myself.

It’s no secret that love exists. The thing is, you are never able fully love anyone because no one can fill your heart other than yourself.

It is only when your heart is filled that you can start to fill others.

If you want to start somewhere, and don’t know why you’re reading all these self-help and self-improvement articles but are not getting anywhere, start by trusting yourself. Trust the process that you are taking. Trust that you do have the ability to love yourself and others. Trust that someone out there will love you just as much as you do. Trust yourself so much that in times of need, instead of resorting to an ex or a current fling, you look at yourself, and say, “Hey, I’m going to be okay.”